Philosophical Tippler Gifts

'Thinker's drinker.'

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

'I'm afraid you've failed the Turing test.'

"I'm trying to write a drinking song, but I can't get past the first couple of bars."

My first mistake.

'We have developed an APP we use to import ingredients from the Internet, merge them in the computer, and then download them into the distiller and then just bottle the output.'

"Yes we have dollar drafts, no you can't use your own glass."

'You're a nihilist, eh? — well, at least you have something to believe in.'

'I've been under a lot of pressure.' (Diver on therapist's couch).

One shandy and two glasses of tap water please.

"Here's Bill now. I'm not sure where he's been, but I'm guessing it was the Sour Beer Festival."

"This wasn't me, it was the bottle talking."

'This $10,000 bottle of Bordeaux is also a powerful solvent. It entirely dissolved my savings account.'

'Invented a new cocktail.' '

Tip responsibly

Visitor to a Landmark Tavern

'This one's called 'Towel stealer'. It's a guest beer.'

'Would you like to start with a drink, a menu, or my gratuity.'

5-6 pm: Unhappy hour - mourn the loss of jobs to apps, bots, drones.

"I prefer the cheap stuff."

'Time's up, chuckles.'

'Switch me to the cheap stuff when I start talking with my W. C. Fields voice.'

'There's a machine now that tells you when to stop drinking. It's called a cash point machine.'

Joe's Bar: Do your discretionary spending here!

"Say, do you have the correct moon-phase?"

'So, does your wrist-wearable wine analyzer have anything so say about that Burgundy, like how to get it out of silk?'

"You can have my doggie bag as a tip."

I remember your lousy tip. Enjoy MY trickle-down theory.'

Harry, I've just had a tip!

Traditional ale,Traditional Drunk

"Am I the only guy at the table who goes back to when this stuff was two hundred and fifty dollars a bottle?"

'What? You mean I ran all the way here and got all that exercise for nothing?'

"You know this is to solve your problems."

'My Beer Expert necklace reports that this IPA is perfect, so why do I need to taste it?'