Philanthropy Buff Gifts

Charity collecter says to smug man: 'Yes, it is good to give a little something back. Can I have my pen, please?'

'Please give so we can find a cure for ALPOERQUINTERXY.'

'I am so far out of touch with the needy that I don't even know where to find them.'

'No, we're owned by a non profit poundation.'

"You're correct, God doesn't need your tithe, but the church does."

Please Contribute To Katrina Relief

"HR-bill 9495. Cutting down non-profits."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

"A student skipped a model U.N. meeting – now he's claiming diplomatic immunity."

"Gee, thanks pal."

"Live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, drink in the wild air." — Ralph Waldo Emerson "Catch tennis balls in the mouth." — Me

Jean-Paul Sartre

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

"Personally, I'm a doer."

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a MAP, actually."

"Congratulations, Trumpism. It's ot often we initiate a new horseman."

"Yes, one is a dog."

Paul Ree

Denmark scrapped anti-blasphemy law!

'A sitcom has to be quirky or formulaic. There is no middle way.'

"You can either make a pledge or join us in this weekend's Barkathon."

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

'Truth is fine, but I really need marketable ideas.'

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

"Life's a lottery - That's why you need balls"

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

Charities should investigate whether published reports are 'Misleadingly Positive'.

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

'I'm re-enacting a battle with my conscience.'

Psychologist's receptionist to man: 'I'm afraid I cancelled your appointment - the doctor has decided you don't exist.'

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding as written and as it would have been written if David Hume had invested in a word processor,