Pharmaceutical Follies Gifts

'You're right...these are your hormone pills. Thank goodness we noticed before anything serious happened.'

"This is for the pain and these are for the side effects."

'Side effects may include....'

"Let's play make-believe. I'll diagnose you with a life-threatening illness, then cure you with a wonder-drug that turns out to be a placebo."

'...may the best pharmaceuticals win.'

'It's not quite ready. Come back in 15 minutes.'

"It's what the people want. You run wild for a couple of hours and then - zap - you're back to normal."

'Terrific commercial. I'm sold. You'll start on that medicine immediately.'

'My portfolio is doing well after they injected it with the right combination of pharmaceuticals.'

"They’re burying him with his Xanax."

'Our trials show that the new drug performs no better than placebo.'

"Personally, I never take anything but aspirin."

'Gee! I think we have the new sex-pill!'

'Your tests all come back negative, but we have a pill for that.'

Talk to your doctor about Placebitrex...the pill that does whatever you think you need it to.

"You'll enjoy the way these interact with over-the-counter medication."

'I had to confirm that you had prescribed a placebo, Doctor. But when I said it was an extra-strength placebo, he was pleased.'

'Hell? No. We're just the side effects of your new drugs.'

Most common side effects...

"I told him 1 tranquilizer every 4 hours, not 4 tranquilizers every 1 hour."

'Today stocks tumbled on the rumor that there is no Santa Claus.'

"Your tired eyes are red and irritated because you put sleeping medicine in them. That's not how it works, Mr. Jenkins."

Push In And Turn

'One out of two doctors recommends this prescription.'

'The only investment I'd suggest is that you rent a van, then put your office equipment in and take it to the pawn shop.'

'Take them until further testing shows they really aren't effective.'

'I'm going to prescribe something that works like aspirin but costs much, much more.'

'Okay, so that one's not right for me either... Is Zythoranex right for me?'

"My doctor pooled all my medications into one convenient tablet."

"Do you have anything that allows me to give my husband a kick up the backside and blame it on the side effects?"