Pharmaceutical Follies Gifts

'You're right...these are your hormone pills. Thank goodness we noticed before anything serious happened.'

"This is for the pain and these are for the side effects."

'Side effects may include....'

"Let's play make-believe. I'll diagnose you with a life-threatening illness, then cure you with a wonder-drug that turns out to be a placebo."

'...may the best pharmaceuticals win.'

Pharmaco. He writes drug side effect warnings. Ah, a health scare provider.

Mega Pharmaceuticals Legal Dept. What if we claim a generic knockoff of our miracle drug is blasphemous?

'I have a lot of stock in Zorex Drugs, and I only want medicine that they make.'

'It's not quite ready. Come back in 15 minutes.'

'My portfolio is doing well after they injected it with the right combination of pharmaceuticals.'

'Terrific commercial. I'm sold. You'll start on that medicine immediately.'

"They’re burying him with his Xanax."

We need to up your dosage or lower mine.

Pharmacy. Prescription. Don't worry about that --- After paying for those you can't afford to drive! (Published originally on August 1, 2011.)

"It's what the people want. You run wild for a couple of hours and then - zap - you're back to normal."

'Our trials show that the new drug performs no better than placebo.'

"Personally, I never take anything but aspirin."

'Your tests all come back negative, but we have a pill for that.'

'Gee! I think we have the new sex-pill!'

Talk to your doctor about Placebitrex...the pill that does whatever you think you need it to.

"You'll enjoy the way these interact with over-the-counter medication."

'I had to confirm that you had prescribed a placebo, Doctor. But when I said it was an extra-strength placebo, he was pleased.'

"I told him 1 tranquilizer every 4 hours, not 4 tranquilizers every 1 hour."

'Hell? No. We're just the side effects of your new drugs.'

Most common side effects...

'Today stocks tumbled on the rumor that there is no Santa Claus.'

"Your tired eyes are red and irritated because you put sleeping medicine in them. That's not how it works, Mr. Jenkins."

'One out of two doctors recommends this prescription.'

'The only investment I'd suggest is that you rent a van, then put your office equipment in and take it to the pawn shop.'

Push In And Turn

'Take them until further testing shows they really aren't effective.'

'I'm going to prescribe something that works like aspirin but costs much, much more.'

'Okay, so that one's not right for me either... Is Zythoranex right for me?'

"Do you have anything that allows me to give my husband a kick up the backside and blame it on the side effects?"

"My doctor pooled all my medications into one convenient tablet."