Finance Follies Gifts

'Today stocks tumbled on the rumor that there is no Santa Claus.'

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

Benefit mistakes cost one billion a year. Well in our defence we did get a lot of the numbers correct,they just weren't in the right order.

I need a raise. This is no time to joke. I've been on a buying binge at the iPhone app store and I can't pay my credit card. These apps are worth it. They're life-changing, they're

I spent it all under the silly notion that it was all mine.

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

Sign on door of company cafeteria of financial services company says: 'Do not feed the bears'.

'Your check to 'Hooters' bounced, ironically enought.'

'George has us well diversified. We own every stock in the Misfortune 500.'

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"

More toxic assets.

"I've crunched the numbers in your retirement account. It's time to figure out who will be wearing the mask and who will be driving the getaway car."

You have 17 creditors that won't get paid this month. Eighteen, including yourself.

'The insider traders always sit together.'

'The only investment I'd suggest is that you rent a van, then put your office equipment in and take it to the pawn shop.'

"Clean your wallet, Sir?"

'I'm sorry Jeeves, I'm going to have to let one go.'

"May I be frank as to why we're reluctant to add you to our sales force, Mr. Ponzi?"

Junk bonds, inc. InOut trays.

Please wait to be cheated.

"Everyone said we're crazy to hike a snake charmer, but he's out top fund manager."

Wall Street CEOs' bathroom.

"The tax authority wants to hide someone from their witness protection program here. They think it'll be safe because no one would look for an honest accountant at our company."

'We had a clogged sink in the men's lavatory. I had to call in a Plumber.'

'What do you want the money for?'

'I went from being a chef to cooking the books for a shady organization, so it was a pretty smooth career transition.'

Misunderstood Tax Adviser: Please Leave a Gift.

'What do you mean overdrawn...I still have twelve cheques left!'

Nearly every day I'm satisfied, happy, and enjoy my life...can you sell my stocks that'll make me broke and depressive?

Spent my last dollar on this sign.

Checks Cashed. Sorry, sir, but I'm afraid a credit card that

'Tax returns prepared - honest mistakes our speciality.'