Finance Fool Gifts

Sign on door of company cafeteria of financial services company says: 'Do not feed the bears'.

Great Chinese Dynasties

"Post holiday sales look similar to the crater that killed the dinosaurs."

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

Benefit mistakes cost one billion a year. Well in our defence we did get a lot of the numbers correct,they just weren't in the right order.

"No, unfortunately I won't be raising your debt ceiling."

The End of Trump?

'Wait a minute....!

'The National Debt just sounds like it's a lot of money because it's such a large number.'

"Yes, we're a letterbox company. How can I help you?"

Kicking The Habit

I need a raise. This is no time to joke. I've been on a buying binge at the iPhone app store and I can't pay my credit card. These apps are worth it. They're life-changing, they're

'Two new NBA franchises: The 'Wall Street Bulls' and the 'Main street bears'.'

'We're all wearing them - they were a gift from Warren Buffett.'

'Your Starbucks, McDonald's, and Hershey Stocks all went down. That shows you should never buy on an empty stomach.'

I spent it all under the silly notion that it was all mine.

'Please remember that these figures could be off by as much as two dollars.'

Manifest Destiny for Accountants

'Luigi wants to know if you have considered consolidating all your existing debts into one manageable monthly payment?'

'Whadaya mean my fixed income is broken?'

"Well, I think we've proved our point...you want to push it, or should I?"

OXI

'Good news. We just made $21,450 online trading. Now we're only behind $347,364.'

The Boom-Bust Cycle of Capitalism

"I drive to work every day. Those are business trips, aren't they?"

Reverse piggy bank

"It's agreed then. We'll merge our company's hilariously overvalued stock portfolio with your labyrinth of quasi-legal shell corporations, toss a bone to the stockholders, give ourselves ENORMOUS bonuses, and worry later about how to make it all work!"

Scariest Horror Film Ever: National Debt

Stocks were up today on news that most of us have no @#%^ clue why stocks go up or down.

'Why not invest that money in 'Tooth Fairy PLC'? Send for a prospectus now.'

IRS Cuts

"I'm a corporate tax consultant... I've got a loophole named after me..!

'You have no pension. Have you thought about running a pension in France?'

"Your investments went down the toilet. You now own stock in a sewage company."