Pew Protector Gifts

'We were forced to leave our last church when some visitors took our seats.'

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

'That'll teach the pesky python to be greedy and eat all my chickens!'

No Soliciting

"And with you on guard, I won't have to worry about that monster under my bed."

"Don't even think about it."

'He has a big heart. . . inviting his homeless friends in to stay dry.'

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

'Boy, being an endangered species is quite hard: I get weighed, tagged, filmed, recorded and studied by scientists: I have no privacy...'

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

The IRS emptied my pouch.

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

Fox and a little girl hiding from the rest of the hunt.

"That's just not the real me."

'...and now, Doctor, if you have satisfactorily disinfected your hands,...

'Since the North Pole melted and we had to migrate south our camouflage stinks!'

"Don’t worry, girl. I’m working on our ‘no puppy left behind.’"

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"We're looking for a 5000 step walk."

'I'm sorry young lady, but you're not old enough to be free range!'

"Someday, my son, that will mean you."

'I'm a guard dog too.'

Orange Bengal Tiger

"Is your dog friendly?!"

'Have you seen little Spotty?'

Save our seals - "I doubt my little vote will make any difference."

Save me versus Feed me.

"...if you don't come on out of there, I'll call the RSPCA."

Fight against theft of endangered species

'Before you buy the gun can I ask if you thought about taking your cat to the vets first?'

"Can i get a transfer from the porcupine enclosure..?

'She thinks of them as her children...'