Petroglyph Pundit Gifts

Another archaeological site where some believe ancients had help from aliens.

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

'Your videotape's intriguing - But it still doesn't prove that they really exist.'

Eldrow

"The inhabitants of Pluto today declared Earth not a planet..."

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Part Seven

"We'd like to publish it, do nothing to promote it, and watch it disappear from the shelves in less than a month."

Oog is backing up all our files.

'I have a master's in 17th century Dutch feminist poetry, but I've never really used it.'

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

"As a cost-cutting measure, for our fall list we have decided to bypass traditional bookstore sales and subsequent remaindering, and instead go directly to the shredder."

Siegfried Sassoon

Wussapalooka

"I'm in here, rereading the great poets, myself among them."

'This doesn't work as a heart-felt plea for world peace, but with some astute editing, it might be great on a greeting card.'

Hog magazine with litters to the editor dept.

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

"I wouldn't mind, but I only topped the bloomin' thing up last week!"

"This plaque shows nine planets, but their transmissions say their system has eight."

'Ed' 'Op-ed'

Cover story: Oil Workers Monthly.

"Any truth to the rumor that your book is ghost-written?"

'I have a twitter account to slag off my facebook friends and I use facebook to insult my followers on twitter.'

"Just a tad to the left."

'We lost your case, but the PR was a success. Three publishers are bidding on your story, and 30 PTAs are petitioning to have the book banned.'

The Fishbowl Dynasty

"It doesn't work as a novel. But we're willing to publish it as a desk calendar."

'You're doing the crop circles anyway. We just want to pay you to do them with our corporate logo.'

Poetry Journal. Any good submissions over the internet? No -- Just the usual bloggerel.

Ben Okri

'It's second-rate writing but luckily there's thousands of second-rate readers. . .'

'McWit, your poetic license expired years ago.'

"I hope it's not contagious."