Petroglyph Pundit T-Shirts

Another archaeological site where some believe ancients had help from aliens.

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

'Your videotape's intriguing - But it still doesn't prove that they really exist.'

"The inhabitants of Pluto today declared Earth not a planet..."

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

"We'd like to publish it, do nothing to promote it, and watch it disappear from the shelves in less than a month."

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

'I have a master's in 17th century Dutch feminist poetry, but I've never really used it.'

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

"I'm in here, rereading the great poets, myself among them."

"As a cost-cutting measure, for our fall list we have decided to bypass traditional bookstore sales and subsequent remaindering, and instead go directly to the shredder."

"I wouldn't mind, but I only topped the bloomin' thing up last week!"

Hog magazine with litters to the editor dept.

'This doesn't work as a heart-felt plea for world peace, but with some astute editing, it might be great on a greeting card.'

"This plaque shows nine planets, but their transmissions say their system has eight."

'Ed' 'Op-ed'

Cover story: Oil Workers Monthly.

"Any truth to the rumor that your book is ghost-written?"

'We lost your case, but the PR was a success. Three publishers are bidding on your story, and 30 PTAs are petitioning to have the book banned.'

"Just a tad to the left."

The Fishbowl Dynasty

"It doesn't work as a novel. But we're willing to publish it as a desk calendar."

'You're doing the crop circles anyway. We just want to pay you to do them with our corporate logo.'

'It's second-rate writing but luckily there's thousands of second-rate readers. . .'

'McWit, your poetic license expired years ago.'

Ben Okri

"I hope it's not contagious."

A poison pen fights a poison mic.