Petri Dish Pundit Gifts

'I wish you'd learn to put the lid on your petri dish, Harry! We came hear with four kids, and now it looks like we've got 20 million!'

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

Down a the lab - Germs "So what will you do when you grow up?" "Oh the usual...divide,multiply,infect,kill.."

"Your Honor, prior to sentencing, if it please the court, I'd like to make just a few brief remarks about pâte brisée."

"Pie chart"

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

"Summer's here. Do you want to start talking incessantly about tomatoes or corn?"

Submariners' Eye Test.

Apples...37 Spinach...43 Peaches...51

Cover story: Oil Workers Monthly.

'Oh-oh, they're looking up at me ? I think they're on to us!'

'My first drink since my accident.'

Old soldiers never die. They just become TV pundits.

'You drink like a fish.'

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

'Increase your beer volume sales by filling the glasses up.'

Voice of the GOP

"The doctor will see you now."

Cultured Cells/Uncultured Cells

"I swear, Eddie, you ought to be on with Bill Moyers."

'Dr. Fenton discovers a new killer cell.'

"These days, professor it's "T.V. punditry or perish.""

"Technically, when the manufacturer wants your car back, it's a recall. When the bank does it, it's a repossession."

Popular Culture

'Happy hour was over an hour ago. Wipe that stupid grin off your face!'

"I know I should Fuggedaboutit but I can't."

Cow sells fresh pies.

"We're looking for a hacker to break into our competitors computers and get their recipes."

"The great thing about studying tiny things is that no one knows what the hell you're doing."

"Mommy can't take you to Katie's house. Mommy is busy cloning a slime mold."

"Actually son....these are peaches!"