Petri Dish Pundit Gifts

'I wish you'd learn to put the lid on your petri dish, Harry! We came hear with four kids, and now it looks like we've got 20 million!'

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

Eldrow

Down a the lab - Germs "So what will you do when you grow up?" "Oh the usual...divide,multiply,infect,kill.."

"Your Honor, prior to sentencing, if it please the court, I'd like to make just a few brief remarks about pâte brisée."

"Pie chart"

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

"Summer's here. Do you want to start talking incessantly about tomatoes or corn?"

Apples...37 Spinach...43 Peaches...51

Dateline - Caf

Submariners' Eye Test.

Cover story: Oil Workers Monthly.

'Oh-oh, they're looking up at me ? I think they're on to us!'

Old soldiers never die. They just become TV pundits.

"The doctor will see you now."

If we reproduce fast enough, we'll outnumber everybody and take over the petri dish! Divide and conquer, eh?

Voice of the GOP

'I have a twitter account to slag off my facebook friends and I use facebook to insult my followers on twitter.'

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

'You drink like a fish.'

'My first drink since my accident.'

'Increase your beer volume sales by filling the glasses up.'

Cultured Cells/Uncultured Cells

"Technically, when the manufacturer wants your car back, it's a recall. When the bank does it, it's a repossession."

"These days, professor it's "T.V. punditry or perish.""

"I swear, Eddie, you ought to be on with Bill Moyers."

'Dr. Fenton discovers a new killer cell.'

Popular Culture

'Happy hour was over an hour ago. Wipe that stupid grin off your face!'

Cow sells fresh pies.

"We're looking for a hacker to break into our competitors computers and get their recipes."

"I know I should Fuggedaboutit but I can't."

"The great thing about studying tiny things is that no one knows what the hell you're doing."

"Mommy can't take you to Katie's house. Mommy is busy cloning a slime mold."