Petition Champions Pillows

Save the Hamptons

The First Annual Game Show Week.

Not much money, glory, or praise

'Henderson always walks away with the neighborhood pumpkin carving contest.'

Loser's Podium.

Corporate Lawyers

"Brian, isn't Dry January and Veganuary enough?!!"

'He's won an exotic holiday to Easter Island and it's gone straight to his head.'

'I want to thank all my obstacles for making this possible.'

"Sure I won the spelling bee contest, but since everyone has spell check, no one cares!"

Contest time. Mort and Sadie, our ornery octogenarians, have decided to rename Rudy's generation. Mort favors Generation I - for impatient. Sadie prefers Generation V - for virtual. Or vapid! What do you think? Please send your own ideas to asksadieshow@gmail.com. C'mon people, get thinkin'!

Coronavirus Warriors

'I'm doing a 'Win a Date with a Computer Geek' contest on my website.'

'We've won a free trip to the mountains.'

'Santa Clause would never of fitted through that fireplace, so I've widened it.'

No smoking initiative.

"Poor lady, she never wins these pageants. She has a really weird run."

Westminster's fine, but this show is just sick. Puppies & Tiaras.

Defense Not losing Goal Offense Winning

Died After A Brave Battle With Everything

Knight with a pen in an LLP.

7th annual weird fishes pageant

'I could wile away the hours / Conferrin' with the flowers / Consultin' with the rain...'

Heating costs.

These guys are going to have some kind of contest. (Musical note.) Let's see who sings the best. (Question mark.) No. Let's play "Jeopardy." All answers must be in the form of a question. (Exclamation point.) Whatever we do, I'll be the most enthusiastic!! (Ampersand.) Can we form partnerships? (Dollar sign.) Is there any prize money? (Percentage symbol.) What are the chances of winning? (Asterisk.) Winning's not that important. With me here, winning will be marked as not wholly

We're stuck here for the entire summer. It's loserville! Let's start "the most boring town" contest. I bet there's one already on the web. Darn! Here's a "top ten tedious towns" list. We're not on it. West Fester is so boring, it's not even the most boring.

It was almost called 'Jerry Bens' until the famous eat-off of '78,

'Think of this as an opportunity. All those great contests employees are ineligible to win...well, now you're eligible.'

Sign my petition? It expresses outrage over the demise of the separation of church and state. It expresses outrage that Brad totally dissed Jen. Where's my pen?!

"And now a word for people who can't sleep at night."

GCSE Geography: Is Paris in . . . . Ring Now on 0898325

"I have 100 signatures for my online petition 'East Dessert First.'"

"As the new Miss Individual I shouldn't care what you think."

"Do you suppose she's Miss Egypt?"

"I think I'm in the wrong place, and yet I do not care."