Pet Tactician Gifts

'Do what I did. Tell your mother you want a pet snake. Then she'll get you a dog.'

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

Polly txt speak

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"I think therefore I am." "Bow Wow, Bow Wow, Bow Wow."

"Hey Lady this is a sixty zone!"

'Bert's dog training.'

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"Oh well, I guess I'm lucky that he's not a duck hunter."

"My hackers just collapsed your country's economy."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

"How long is it since you took Benji for a walk?"

'Other dogs howl at the moon, I've trained mine to play Bach.'

Dog stretching before a walk.

"Settle down boy, they're not actual cat-fish."

"I wasn't howling at the moon. I was singing along to my iPod."

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."

"Don't even think about it."

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

"... And bless my dog, Penny, whose licks give me the strength to carry on."

"Let's break the record for non-stop deranged barking."

Another reason Chihuahuas hate basketball.

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

Codepetdency Counseling: "He won't even sit on my lap anymore."

''Junk Yard Dog' just sounds so much cooler.'

'I suppose an explanation is in order?'

'Look, Dad! -- I taught Shep to walk on his hind legs!'

"I don’t know how many ways I can explain it. One morning you’ll just wake up and know that you’re in love."

Dog Training Academy and the Cat Anarchy Club.

"You won’t find a more effective antidepressant."