Pet Tactician Gifts

'Do what I did. Tell your mother you want a pet snake. Then she'll get you a dog.'

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

Polly txt speak

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"I think therefore I am." "Bow Wow, Bow Wow, Bow Wow."

"Hey Lady this is a sixty zone!"

'Bert's dog training.'

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"Oh well, I guess I'm lucky that he's not a duck hunter."

"My hackers just collapsed your country's economy."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"How long is it since you took Benji for a walk?"

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

'Other dogs howl at the moon, I've trained mine to play Bach.'

Another reason Chihuahuas hate basketball.

"Settle down boy, they're not actual cat-fish."

"Don't even think about it."

"I wasn't howling at the moon. I was singing along to my iPod."

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."

"... And bless my dog, Penny, whose licks give me the strength to carry on."

Dog stretching before a walk.

"Let's break the record for non-stop deranged barking."

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

Codepetdency Counseling: "He won't even sit on my lap anymore."

Dog Training Academy and the Cat Anarchy Club.

'Look, Dad! -- I taught Shep to walk on his hind legs!'

''Junk Yard Dog' just sounds so much cooler.'

"You won’t find a more effective antidepressant."

"I don’t know how many ways I can explain it. One morning you’ll just wake up and know that you’re in love."

'I suppose an explanation is in order?'