Pet Swapper Gifts

'How do you like the dog I got for my wife?'

'I'm sorry. I probably should have talked to to you before I took down our wedding photo and put up a picture of my jet.'

"Let me know if you smell any large-mouth bass."

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

I have an idea for a new app: It'll tell you what your dog is thinking. What? How? Through a sensor planted in the dog's collar. Every time it barks, whines or sighs, the sensor will beam an English translation to your phone. It'll either say "feed me," "walk me," "I need to potty," or "leave me alone," or a random combination of those. That sounds like the most useless app ever. It'll also shout "I'm running!" when the dog is running.

Christmas tree exchange

'I can watch T.V. shows on the computer, so who needs a TV?'

Rescue dog rejecting potential owners

Some people like coming home to a dog. Carly preferred an 8 piece funk brass band.

"Excuse me, but I think you're in my seat."

'Look what the ice cream man gave me for your iPhone!'

'I swapped the piano for Stewie's guitar.'

'I'm coping.'

Dog on Cat.

"To be honest, it was a matter of finding something to do after I gave up alcohol."

The first day of spring has finally arrived! The only think I'll miss about winter is curling up under a warm blanket straight out of the dryer on a frigid night.

"Good lord! Four of my dearest Facebook friends died last week!"

"I'm ready to switch"

Psychiatry. Oops, it 3:17, time for me to switch chairs!

"Do they say that pets resemble their owners, or owners resemble pets?"

Lady sees 'Stop' sign above cat at shelter, thinks, 'Well ... I did ask for a sign.'

'Please put down that photo of Cindy Crawford, ma'am.'

"This is so much better than book club."

Collie F, 4 yrs old, well-trained, knows many tricks, wants to meet M, collie, afghan or greyhound. No mutts please.

'I'm doing a 'pet swap'.'

'This time of year it's all that keeps me sane! I keep the magazine in the bathroom and I've about wore the ink off the pages!'

"Say - this electronic bourbon isn't bad."

'Master is too lazy to walk us, so we walk each other...'

"I know, isn’t it funny how people and their pets start to look alike?"

Pinnochio's Dog.

We'll drive to Chicago, change cars, drive to Atlanta, change cars, drive to St. Louis, change cars, then we'll drive to Orlando. Car trips with airline managers.

'We should return the favor, and find a mate for her.'

'...and a boiled potato,a pinch of garlic,stirring constantly and then...'

'Would that make you feel better?'

'So, you'd like to change your name from John to David?... Okay, that shouldn't be a problem Mr. Plonker.'