Pet Psyche Analyzer Gifts

"I think I'm a big dog."

Licensed Therapist

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Dog Nightmares

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"Have you tried biting him?"

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

Dog phrenology

"Meow."

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

"Mi chiamano Mimi, il perche non so. Sola, mi fo il pranzo da me stessa."

"Actually I never loved you."

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

"I have to give you credit. You're a pit bull and you're nice on and offline."

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

'I suppose this means you won't be fetching my slippers anymore.'

'I'm sure they don't think you're really a bad kitty...just a kitty that sometimes does bad things.'

"I can't believe how much I love her. Just look at those sienna eyes and that adorable little nose. I honestly don't know how I'd survive without her." "He has food."

They say animals have the sixth sense and the talent to look into the future...

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

I hear you, man. Look, if you need anything, my door is always open.

'Listen, Geoffrey ...I know you're a clinical psychologist, but I DON'T have A.D.D. ! You're just incredibly boring.'

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

The brain of a dog.

"And just how long have your felt confined by this 'invisible fence'?"

"Wag your tail just once when I come home. You miserable dog!"

"He's sending an instant message."

Dog to dog: 'I hate the way pointers are always blaming somebody else.'