Pet Personality Analyst Gifts

"Has anyone ever mentioned……" "Yes."

Licensed Therapist

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Dog Nightmares

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

What does aloof mean?

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

"I see you mister mail carrier... that's it, just keep walking... don't even think abo—did you just look at my house?! Are you looking for trouble? Cujo ain't got #!@* on me."

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

"Meow."

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

'I suppose this means you won't be fetching my slippers anymore.'

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

"I have to give you credit. You're a pit bull and you're nice on and offline."

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

"If you want to play fetch with the dog, throw your own @#&% arm."

"Mi chiamano Mimi, il perche non so. Sola, mi fo il pranzo da me stessa."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"Actually I never loved you."

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

I hear you, man. Look, if you need anything, my door is always open.

I bark and bark and bark. . . Therefore I am.

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

The brain of a dog.

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

"Wag your tail just once when I come home. You miserable dog!"

Dog to dog: 'I hate the way pointers are always blaming somebody else.'

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

"He's sending an instant message."