Pet Parent Laughs Gifts

I wonder what fiendish plan those two morons are plotting aginst me...

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

'Could we go in ahead of you? His tranquilizer is wearing off.'

"You stop it, now!"

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

"I told you not to let him out of your sight."

"My husband finally taught him to use the toilet but can't convince him to give up kitty litter."

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

For Heavens sake - don't let your pet watch manga cartoons on TV anymore!

"Is our owner hot?"

"I don't see myself as just a dog. I see myself as a Complete Family Pet System."

"I like the new scratching post so much better."

'You know that's not what I meant when I asked you to take the dog out!'

'I bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep! There has to be more than that!'

'Well, it wasn't me.'

'This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you!'

'Tell you what. Let's corner a cat and play 'good dog - bad dog'.'

"Quick, act casual."

'She think we're waiting out here in this sun? Hot-wire this sucker!'

'You could always say the dog ate your lesson plan.'

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

'Maybe we should rethink this new dog door.'

'Pet, we've got to talk.'

'Any other symptoms besides difficulty in marking your territory?'

Cat looking up fish recipes.

Mouse guillotining cats paws which come through his mouse hole

101 uses of a dead cat: wind vane.

'Of course I never take you out - I can't see you wanting to cock your leg in the park!'

'The fire brigade are on the way. But in the meantime, I'm totally posting this online.'

"Honey! The puppy just placed a new water element on the floor. Do you want me to clean it up or just balance the Feng Shui with a fire element?"

"If she can find all the bones she's buried, she's my next investment counselor."

'Now what?'

'Yes, I did watch three pay-per-view movies while you were gone. Just how long did you expect a ball of yarn to entertain me?'

Bad cat - Credit Card.