Pet Parent Chuckler Gifts

"There ya go. Keep toying with it."

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

'I promise you we'll have him out of here real fast... we need the rest.'

"My husband finally taught him to use the toilet but can't convince him to give up kitty litter."

"I told you not to let him out of your sight."

"Is our owner hot?"

For Heavens sake - don't let your pet watch manga cartoons on TV anymore!

"I don't see myself as just a dog. I see myself as a Complete Family Pet System."

"I like the new scratching post so much better."

'I bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep! There has to be more than that!'

'Well, it wasn't me.'

'This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you!'

"I'm sorry, James...but I'm afraid Jelly Beans aren't a vegetable!"

Tinder for dogs

"That's where I do 'my business'."

'And when you want to go to the toilet would you please bark.'

'You could always say the dog ate your lesson plan.'

'Maybe we should rethink this new dog door.'

"Quick, act casual."

Sex Education: "Here's one we prepared earlier..."

'Pet, we've got to talk.'

'Any other symptoms besides difficulty in marking your territory?'

Re-explore familiar surroundings. You may come across some fresh, new surprises!

'The fire brigade are on the way. But in the meantime, I'm totally posting this online.'

"If she can find all the bones she's buried, she's my next investment counselor."

'Of course I never take you out - I can't see you wanting to cock your leg in the park!'

"Honey! The puppy just placed a new water element on the floor. Do you want me to clean it up or just balance the Feng Shui with a fire element?"

'Yes, I did watch three pay-per-view movies while you were gone. Just how long did you expect a ball of yarn to entertain me?'

"Are you trying to get me nicked."

Bad cat - Credit Card.

"Yes, our master named us Romeo and Juliet. It's kind of ironic though since we can't stand each other..."

"It's called 'salad,' but it's really just a hunk of raw meat."