Pet-owning Friend Pillows

"I'm starting to think she doesn't want that ball."

"It is not done well, but one is surprised to find it done at all."

'Next please.'

'Just so you know, I've no intention of sharing a home with either children or cats.'

Dog obedience school

I hate jacuzzi day.

'Actually, I put the hole in the wall, it gives him something to do...'

'The fee? Well, let's give the old wheel a spin and see what comes up!'

Bitchbark Canoe

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

Caveman's dog with head outside car window.

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"And for lot 27 we have another old tennis ball."

'Don't be embarrassed by your anti-barking collar, implanted tracking chip, and GPS device. Just think of them as fashion accessories.'

Canine Scentipede

"I'm beginning to think that buy one, get one free is not always a good thing."

"Never mind how I got up here....just call the fire department."

Christmas Pets

Dog with saucepan stuck on its head

"Don't even think about it."

I'm beginning to regret buying that Roomba.

'She still won't accept that she's the cat, and not the meow.'

'Out, damned Spot.'

PET THEORIES

''I couldn't wait any longer.''

"Humans are strange."

"Lori, I can’t talk right now — I’m right in the middle of updating my dog’s Facebook page."

'Now, you're new here, but you should know the rules: I get Master's newspaper and slippers! Got that?'

"Big n' tall" "Small n' long"

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."