Pet Owner Intrigued By Science T-Shirts

Cultivated Meat Pet Food Lab

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

I'm beginning to regret buying that Roomba.

"I wasn't howling at the moon. I was singing along to my iPod."

'Fetching newspapers is over. Now I aggregate blogs for him.'

"Instead of wagging my tail, running around and jumping all over you, I sent you an E-card."

"Here comes the quote unquote dog whisperer."

Protoplasm

Facebook For Dogs.

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

"It's a bit of a surprise. He has eaten people before, but only when he felt threatened. Your husband must have provoked him."

K9 Literati.

"I guess people want dogs with no problems. Lucky for me, all I've got is quirks."

Go to settings, sounds, ringtone, whistle, who can hear this, then tap only me.

"I did what you asked and got rid of my white mice."

"If you'll excuse me fellas. I have to see a man about a dog. Specifically-this dog."

'It's about that lizard you sold me four months ago.'

'This won't take long, nurse. This is the dog that got my best friend last summer.'

'Kittens are cute, but I was thinking lion or tiger.'

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

Cat reading Rommel biography.

"Hi, I'm Miranda: I like sniffing bums, rolling about in dead things and chasing tennis balls. . ."

"My dog is a finicky eater. He refuses to eat my homework."

"Who wants to go for walkies?"

'See what I mean, Doc?'

'Did you read my email about Timmy falling down the well?'

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

101 uses of a dead cat: parrot stand.

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

Labradrone

"Tonight... Hemingway."

"Can you train him to bite my husband whenever the trash gets full?"

"I've been feeling needy and it's got me worried."

Thanks to the kitty-cam, curiosity no longer kills the cat.