Pet-centered Scientist T-Shirts

"Have you ever wondered what would happen if a giant hair ball were to slam into the earth?"

Cat Reunion

"Yes, one is a dog."

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

"Have you tried biting him?"

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"He's my school project for science class."

"When I was a puppy, I barked as a puppy, I understood as a puppy, I thought as a puppy. But when I became a dog, I put away puppy things except for my shabby, old, beat-up stuffy toy. I still freaking love this thing."

'We call these supernumerary teats!'

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

Protoplasm

"Dogs are men."

'Do you mind if I take a few pictures, Bill?

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

"MOUSE FLAVORED CAT FOOD"

'I suppose this means you won't be fetching my slippers anymore.'

'That hussy. She's always first in line for insemination.'

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

The Inner Dog.

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

'Most dogs chase cars, Sally but mine is into them!'

Cat reading Rommel biography.

"Putting him on a diet was easy. Just hide a pill in his food and he'll never touch it."

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

"I was a dog in a previous life, but I came back as a god."

"No, no, that's my copy of 'Being and Time'—look at the teeth marks along 'Heidegger'."

'Gentlemen, I've just seen the quarterly reports and believe me, I am not wagging my tail!'

"Tonight... Hemingway."

"You need a hobby."

"Oh, God, am I housebroken."

"These dizzy spells, I have a theory."

'Why can't you just chew bones like other dogs?' (dog smoking pipe).