Pet Lover's Paradox Gifts

'Good book?'

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

Roget's Pet

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

Separation

Biologists often consult with microbiologists.

"It's a bit of a surprise. He has eaten people before, but only when he felt threatened. Your husband must have provoked him."

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

Go to settings, sounds, ringtone, whistle, who can hear this, then tap only me.

Al's Teachers' Pets.

"Me? I'm taking the dog for a silly walk."

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

'The butler did it.'

"Is it OK if I turn the humidifier up a bit?"

'This won't take long, nurse. This is the dog that got my best friend last summer.'

"Have you seen what goes into that stuff?"

"Can you train him to bite my husband whenever the trash gets full?"

'It's not art - I just overfed my goldfish!'

"Bailey! What part of 'never jump on the Stickley' don't you understand?!"

"Who wants to go for walkies?"

"One more question. Would you mind if corporate implanted a chip between your shoulder blades?"

"My dog is a finicky eater. He refuses to eat my homework."

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

"Actually, I would rather have a dog. It's just that we need the eggs."

Sun. Rain.

"I believe we've entered the dark underbelly of pet ownership."

101 uses of a dead cat: chariot wheels.

"Who's my good widdoo headless dog?"

"I only know 'Sit' and 'Stay.' "

''No, Ma,am', I said. 'I'm not taking anybody's pet pig for a walk in a baby carriage' and then she doubled my salary.'

"In my family we're forbidden from mentioning my uncle...he made his money with cat food stocks!"