Pet Lover's Paradox Pillows

'Good book?'

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

Roget's Pet

Separation

Biologists often consult with microbiologists.

"It's a bit of a surprise. He has eaten people before, but only when he felt threatened. Your husband must have provoked him."

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

Al's Teachers' Pets.

'The butler did it.'

"Me? I'm taking the dog for a silly walk."

'This won't take long, nurse. This is the dog that got my best friend last summer.'

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

"Is it OK if I turn the humidifier up a bit?"

"Have you seen what goes into that stuff?"

"My dog is a finicky eater. He refuses to eat my homework."

'It's not art - I just overfed my goldfish!'

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

"One more question. Would you mind if corporate implanted a chip between your shoulder blades?"

"Who wants to go for walkies?"

"Bailey! What part of 'never jump on the Stickley' don't you understand?!"

"Actually, I would rather have a dog. It's just that we need the eggs."

Sun. Rain.

''No, Ma,am', I said. 'I'm not taking anybody's pet pig for a walk in a baby carriage' and then she doubled my salary.'

'There are five of ua, a high wall with razor wire: It must be something really valuable or secret we're guarding...'

"In my family we're forbidden from mentioning my uncle...he made his money with cat food stocks!"

101 uses of a dead cat: chariot wheels.

"Who's my good widdoo headless dog?"

"I believe we've entered the dark underbelly of pet ownership."

"I only know 'Sit' and 'Stay.' "