Pet Joke Collector Pillows

Dog fetches hat - then curls up in the chair.

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

The Rooster Comedian.

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

Suffering from Cooties?

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

Useless add-ons.

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

Irritable trowel syndrome.

"They're not Levi Strauss - they're not Levi Tate."

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

Mexican Jumping Balls.

My daddy ate my homework

Shark infested custard!

'Alphabet soup? What's alphabet?'

Psychiatrist - "Doctor, I keep imagining I'm being followed by an impersonator."

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

Cheating Death.

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

'Finish your homework first, Og... then you can watch the wall.'

"Turn your head and cough."

'What does coincide mean?' 'It's what you do when it starts to rain.'

'Take one of these three times a day until you start to feel better.'

'This prescription will stimulate your funny bone which will cause you to laugh. We both know that laughter is the best medicine.'

Beware of balloon dog.

'You MAY feel a teeny-tiny pin-prick..'