Animal Humor Collector Pillows

"One more version of 'Climb Every Mountain' and I'll throttle you."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

Penguin with square egg - "Now that's different."

"So, according to your resume, you're willing to work for dog food."

Groucho Chicken

"So he said, 'Where's your moral compass?' So I ate him."

"I said, we're both stone deaf, and can't hear a thing!"

'I hate it when he begs for table scraps.'

Before the Domestication of Cows

Deer Crossing

"What do you mean 'NO HAIRCUTS'?"

"The good old days of eating the washing off the line are all gone methinks: The farmer has bought an electric dryer..."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

Lactose Intolerant

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'Bert's dog training.'

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

"What road do you want to dart across today?"

'Oh for heaven's sake, you're a cow. Just eat grass and be happy.'

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

The only time cats are known to laugh.

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

"Mmmm! Bears hibernate in the winter. Cats can hibernate anytime we want!"

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

"Author does not do tricks."

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

"Eat me"