Pet Enthusiast Pillows

"I had my own blog for a while, but I decided to go back to just pointless, incessant barking."

"Under our holistic approach, Mr. Wyndot, we not only treat your symptoms, we also treat your dog."

"Have your people get in touch with my people."

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'And this is Ginger, from my fourth marriage.'

Pets.

'Even if your dog does do 'His Business' in your basement, you still can't deduct it as office space.'

"Beg."

Why pets need vets.

"How long have you been self-employed?"

"Perhaps I'm asking too much of you in the way of companionship."

"She was a sweet old lady whose kids never called."

'All I'm saying is that the 'good dog' 'bad dog' labels have a real shame-based ring to them!'

'Great invention, Rex! What are you going to call it?'

'All in favor say arf.'

"It's not really cat. That's just a marketing gimmick."

" 'Grrr' is not a word."

'It's a slightly more advanced version of fetch.'

'You know, you're a very expensive employee because we have to contribute to nine retirement and life insurance plans for you.'

"I think my name is 'stop that' but I don't know for sure."

'You know, you're a very expensive employee because we have to contribute to nine retirement and life insurance plans for you.'

'Sorry, no trades. Cash only.'

'...You're retired, I'm retired.'

A tough dog scratches and barks.

'Bad dog! Stop trying to kill the cat!'

'You've got more than one loyalty card? That's despicable.'

"To help you keep a healthy pace, I'm going to release Bruno here one minuit after you start."

"Look. They say sit, you sit. They say roll over, you roll over. Where's the prob?"

Hamster doing warm-up exercises before going on the wheel.

'Well, this trick has been around for five years now, so we might be able to learn it...'

'You want to stick that thermometer where?'

"Of course there is. Don't forget the drippy thing."

'Stay.'

A Skinny Dog

"I could have been a big celebrity but for my fear of public speaking."