Pet Connoisseur Gifts

"I'm getting cinnamon, brandy, nutmeg, a hint of Alsatian."

"Pick me!"

'I know you're really proud, dear. But, don't you think people might think you're bragging?'

"And, when the DNA test results arrived, the woman realized her so-called 'little terrier mix' had been part German shepherd all along."

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

Canine Companion

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

Welcome to the Team

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

Haute Suture

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

" 'Grrr' is not a word."

"Just one more question before I let you in...I can let you in...are you a cat or dog person?"

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"Did you get my tweet?"

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

'Or we could just ask her what kind of dog it is.'

"He's already getting attached to you."

"He also barks, meows and makes noises like a hamster."

Love Conquers All

"I don't know about you, but it always makes me feel kinda special."

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

Couple sitting in living room reading books while dog reads a book with a cat shaped cover.

"I could catch a bicyclist, well maybe not a bicyclist, but I could catch a jogger, definitely."

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

Pets.

"Look. They say sit, you sit. They say roll over, you roll over. Where's the prob?"

'Other dogs howl at the moon, I've trained mine to play Bach.'

Author's Bio-diversity.

"If you can’t beat ’em, roll around in their decaying carcass."

"The video of you eating my $700 John Varvatos got 300 'likes.'"

"I have a couple of other projects I'm excited about."

Sign at vet's says 'Cat's waiting area'. Cat says to dog with head in cone: 'Oi, mate, can't you read?'