Pet Behaviorist Gifts

'Watch this... I have him trained to give me a treat every time I shake his hand.'

Dog Obedience School: 'I think we're going to have our work cut out with this one.'

"Will you be taking these home or chewing them right here?"

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

'I bit them and ran!' 'While the Doberman was giving them trouble, I bolted!'

'His previous owner was a personal-injury lawyer, which explains why he will play dead, but I can't get him to speak.'

'Why we ever took him to see those porpoises. . .'

"Yes, he’s very excited to meet your Fifi."

'When I say a house dog I mean one trained not to leave the house during opening hours.'

Cruel Pet Tricks

"It's mouseborn."

"So tell me more about the dog sitter."

"OK, she's back. Just start slowly, and remember to ask her about herself."

"This is a great spot to practice mighty roars son..."

"Why do they do that?"

Licensed Therapist

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"Lucky, I Said Heel!"

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

"You don't throw them back if they're too small!"

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

"Sure my wings flap 70 times per second-- I've been sipping nectar all day."

Bears catching fish

"Hon, come quick! Mr. Puff has lowered his impenetrable wall of feline indifference, and it probably won't last long!"

Wolf trying on sheep's clothing at a retail store.

"I think the ants are mooning me again."

'We don't want you poking around here any more!'