Pet Behavioral Guru Gifts

'Frankly, he's nuttier now than he was before you castrated him.'

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"Cat box"

"Will you be taking these home or chewing them right here?"

Bathing the dog

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

Canine Scentipede

Obedience School/Disobedience School.

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

"Oh, I'm thrilled with my new dog! He's sort of a hunter/retriever/plumber/electrician."

Dog Obedience School: 'I think we're going to have our work cut out with this one.'

"Did you just do a rooster?"

"I appreciate the effort Carl, but I don't think you understand the swarm concept."

'The Lemming Book Store'

"You dropped yer wallet."

"Instead of wagging my tail, running around and jumping all over you, I sent you an E-card."

"This is why I want you to remember the three most important words in the world: spay, neuter, adopt."

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

"Oh boy, that was a huge belly-flop..."

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

'...and I know exactly how to interpret his barks.'

Ostrich Curoisities

"Stupid – yet irresistible."

'You're hired as far as I'm concerned Edwin! And look at these guys?...They seem to really like you!...You're a natural!'

Dog History

"Doc, can you make my bite worse than my bark? You see there's this cat . . ."

Bear who goes drinking instead of hibernating

Welcome to pet obedience school. We're going to have fun and get these darlings into shape. Obey-Wan-Ken

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

"Jerk." "Jackass." "Screw you." "Bite me."

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

"Great heavens, what have they done to them?!"

"[Old Steak Bone Tavern]"

"So tell me more about the dog sitter."

'Forget about building trust. Just give the dog a bath.'