Pet Behavioral Guru Pillows

'Frankly, he's nuttier now than he was before you castrated him.'

"Cat box"

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"Will you be taking these home or chewing them right here?"

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

Bathing the dog

Canine Scentipede

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

"Oh, I'm thrilled with my new dog! He's sort of a hunter/retriever/plumber/electrician."

Dog Obedience School: 'I think we're going to have our work cut out with this one.'

"Did you just do a rooster?"

"I appreciate the effort Carl, but I don't think you understand the swarm concept."

"Instead of wagging my tail, running around and jumping all over you, I sent you an E-card."

"You dropped yer wallet."

"This is why I want you to remember the three most important words in the world: spay, neuter, adopt."

'The Lemming Book Store'

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

"Oh boy, that was a huge belly-flop..."

"Stupid – yet irresistible."

Ostrich Curoisities

'...and I know exactly how to interpret his barks.'

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

'You're hired as far as I'm concerned Edwin! And look at these guys?...They seem to really like you!...You're a natural!'

"Great heavens, what have they done to them?!"

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

Bear who goes drinking instead of hibernating

Dog History

"Doc, can you make my bite worse than my bark? You see there's this cat . . ."

"[Old Steak Bone Tavern]"

"Jerk." "Jackass." "Screw you." "Bite me."

"So tell me more about the dog sitter."

'Forget about building trust. Just give the dog a bath.'

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'