Pet Behavior Aficionado Pillows

"Jerk." "Jackass." "Screw you." "Bite me."

"I dunno, looks like a trap."

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

Frank was certain his Bird of Paradise mating dance would press all the right buttons with Margaret.

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"Are there treats? Just grab the treats and get outta there!"

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

Obedience School/Disobedience School.

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"Hey Neil, you wanna come hang out with us today?"

"I'll take this one."

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

Dog Bar with Toilets.

'I'll bet you taught him that!'

Deer Crossing Traffic Signs You Don't Often See.

"He may be neutered and declawed, but he's still dangerous."

'Humans do it, why couldn't we? Instead of chasing food, we could breed it: It's all explained in my report...'

"Poop outside and he saves it in a bag. Crap on the carpet and he loses his mind."

'...and I know exactly how to interpret his barks.'

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

Dog History

"When I go, I’d like my ashes dumped on top of a squirrel’s head."

'Dad, this is so cool: Next month is a Blue Moon month, with two full moons instead of one!'

OMG UR HOT

The universe that has me at the center of it is my kind of universe!

Cat does not want to chase the stick.

'Harvey, I'm afraid the dog has the mailman intimidated.'

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

"Wait ... now I forgot what I was going to bark at you for."

Cat going to litter box with newspaper to read.

"Is your dog friendly or socially maladjusted?"

Cat Love Ads: "Are you; 'Stubborn, lazy, unfaithful and psychopathic...with no sense of humour?""

"Now, the last one was not a "mating call", but a "mates call". I agree that they are very similar, but it's important not to mix them up..."

'I signed him up in obedience school, but all he did was play hooky.'