Dog Behaviorist Gifts

Beware of dog, with issues.

'I should have known he had a bad disposition when he put that sign up himself.'

'Are you also a dog?'

"I'm not so good with names but I never forget a butt."

"I wouldn't have anything to do with him... his bum smells off."

"Instead of wagging my tail, running around and jumping all over you, I sent you an E-card."

"He throws sticks over and over again for no reason! He won't even pick them up! I have to do it every time! I'm getting really worried! is this normal behaviour, doctor?"

"This is a great spot to practice mighty roars son..."

"Why do they do that?"

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"Lucky, I Said Heel!"

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

"You don't throw them back if they're too small!"

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

"Will you be taking these home or chewing them right here?"

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

"The hyenas started it."

"Sure my wings flap 70 times per second-- I've been sipping nectar all day."

Bears catching fish

Wolf trying on sheep's clothing at a retail store.

"I think the ants are mooning me again."

What does aloof mean?

'I don't know about you. But I'm eating my fill before I drag this carcass to the 'king of the beasts'.'

"Yup, pretty sure that was a flying squirrel."

'We don't want you poking around here any more!'

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

"You're right—there's no such thing as personal space in a hibernaculum."

"I know we've had our differences in the past but if you scratch behind my ears I'll show you where the catnip is kept."

"Wait—what did I come into this room to do?"