Animal Behaviorists Gifts

"It's not good enough to just grab the fish ... the judges want to see you do it without splashing."

'You do a fine job guarding the place, we just need you to shed less.'

'YUCK!!' - Bear dislikes the taste of fish.

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

"Just as we suspected--they're beginning to form a boy band."

Cramp!

Dog marking his territory

"You'll find begging goes much better if you get a human on a piece of string."

Good Boy diploma

When Dogs Rule

'Why do dogs turn round in circles before they lie down?'

"Fair warning: This is a beer can, not a dog food can. In the future, when you har me pop open one these, there's no reason to get all worked up."

"Okay boys. The coast is clear. Time to jump to freedom."

Beware of the Reformed Character: ' ... by this point I realised that I was carrying a lot of anger around and I needed to address that, so ...'

'Boy, that must have been a tough bunch of ants!'

'You can take this guy, Billy. I've seen him wrestle, and he's got, like, no moves...'

Sniffchat

"So much for spelling out our words."

"Let's face it Mum, the main reason we're an endangered species is that we're fussy eaters..."

'You're right: Humans' Mating Dances are hilarious!'

ONE LAST TIME! Where are the carrots!

'I'm locked on target: You can charge now!'

'I don't care how smart he is, he's not allowed on the furniture!'

"He acts all swan-like, but he's just a grebe."

"Keep your best friend close but the squirrels closer."

"What I really want to do is chew up children’s books."

"In all of Montana, you’ll not find a more sublime flyfisher than Mittens."

"Don't pick me... don't pick me..."

"What the hell is he doing?"

"Oh crap, my mood ring!"

Hydrant Dreams

'I have a better idea. Let's go to my place.'

'Caused, no doubt, by some feelings of mass guilt.'

'You could repeat everything they say while I imitate everything they do: It would drive them crazy...'

"OK, I'll let you in, but remember: If you scratch it, you buy it!"