Pet Adoptee Gifts

"For future security questions, the name of your first pet should include a minimum of eight uppercase and lowercase letters, numbers and special characters."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Fish needs a bigger bowl."

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

Indoor Climbing Centre for Cats.

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"Actually, make that a double cream."

"Pick me!"

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

"Foster failure"

"Cat box"

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

'So what's it like riding in first class?'

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."

Dog Hunting Trophies.

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

Dog Dreams

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"Can I keep them? I found him on the internet?"

'Why can't my walks be that fun?'

Dog's kite's tail is wagging.

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

Foster failure

Girl wags her pony tail as dog wags his tail.

Pet Shop: "I think I've found one for me."

Love a Mutt

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."