Pest Philosophizers Pillows

"There's a rumor - which I don't believe - that there are more people than rats in this city."

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

It is essential not to overcrowd a tank as this can cause serious problems...

Cat Reunion

"Yes, one is a dog."

Kid to fellow fisherman: 'Why do they stink like fish when they've been bathing this whole time?'

Eagle (The Divine Comedy).

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

Chicken soup for the sole.

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

"Take your first left and then keep turning left until you eventually float to the top."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"Dogs are men."

"This aquarium is such a nice prison."

Bees v Wasps

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

"Why... do goldfish have such a short memory span? We don't – there isn't anything to remember if all you do is swim around in circles all day long."

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

Cool Cat, Dog Dork, Grumpy Goldfish, Constipated Cockatiel.

'Sometimes I feel sorry for those little baitfish, don't you, Ben?'

Incognito Bonito - 'I don't know me, but I do know you!'

"Why do people talk about a rat's nest like it's a bad thing?"

The Inner Dog.

"Don't worry, Jules. It'll come up on your side of the house in just 12 hours."

"Cat got your tongue?"

Advanced Zen for Couch Potatoes: Earl becomes One with his Lazy-Boy.

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

Fish Food

"You need a hobby."

Einstein tests his pasta-antipasto theory.

"So, Michael, any pesticidal thoughts today?"

'I'd like to participate in gym class, but I'm afraid I'll get overheated and contribute to the global warming problem.'

"These dizzy spells, I have a theory."