Pessimistic Optimists Gifts

"A glimmer of hope is fine, Hendricks, but anything more than that will lead to massive disappointment."

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

Pessimists v Optimists.

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

'There, Mr Optimist. Now how full is it?'

Tom's last day.

'I make certain all my clients are pessimists...they don't expect to win.'

Car insurance, breakdown cover, mobile insurance, home insurance, camera insurance... - 'Life insurance, health insurance, professional indemnity, and tax insurance.' - 'Let the bad times roll... heh, heh!'

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

The End is Near art gallery opening.

"Die alone"

'Barnhill from Marketing will present our economic projections.'

Lent is a real drag this year. - 'Why? What did you give up?' - 'Hope.' - 'I gave up chocolate. Guess what?1' - 'What?' - 'I've made my ideal weight! Yay!'

'Some see the glass as half empty, some see it as half full -- I see it as taxable!'

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

"Maybe you should be depressed, your life isn't that great."

A Stray Curmudgeon in a Field of Perennial Optimists.

Half Empty/Half Full/I'm Still On Vacation!!!

The end is near. The end is nearish. I get this way every spring.

Gonna Suck

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

That's where we're different. I see the toilet bows half-full, and you see the toilet bowl half-empty.

'Would you say this glass is half empty or half full?'

'Taking guard' 'The pessimist'

Y2K Solutions Inc.

'Turned out nice again.'

"The scariest part is knowing that someday something'll come along that will make us go, 'Even the spider mutants weren't this bad.' "

This will be a banner day for you!

The guy who wanted change, experience, a shoulder to cry on, and a medal, all tied up in a nice,neat package, with whipped cream and a cherry on top.

"Ambitions... to be proved wrong."

Your radio show this week was incredible. Buzz off. Who cares what you think? It was angry, vitriolic, sarcastic, mean-spirited, pessimistic. Do you mean that? You really were listening? I'm not giving a compliment. You're less horrifyingly objectionable than usual.

"If at first you don't succeed blame somebody."