Pessimist With A Twist Gifts

'I find it difficult not to entertain the occasional negative thought.'

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

The Dungeon

"Well, it's a change of scenery."

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

The glass is half full. - '' - 'The glass is half empty' - '' - 'Gah!! No clean glasses!!' - '' -

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

Tom's last day.

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

The End is Near art gallery opening.

Car insurance, breakdown cover, mobile insurance, home insurance, camera insurance... - 'Life insurance, health insurance, professional indemnity, and tax insurance.' - 'Let the bad times roll... heh, heh!'

"A glimmer of hope is fine, Hendricks, but anything more than that will lead to massive disappointment."

"Die alone"

'Barnhill from Marketing will present our economic projections.'

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

'Half-empty, yet I can't complain...'

Lent is a real drag this year. - 'Why? What did you give up?' - 'Hope.' - 'I gave up chocolate. Guess what?1' - 'What?' - 'I've made my ideal weight! Yay!'

Half Empty/Half Full/I'm Still On Vacation!!!

Gonna Suck

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

Abstract art proves that things can be as bad as they look.

'Taking guard' 'The pessimist'

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

Y2K Solutions Inc.

'Turned out nice again.'

"Ambitions... to be proved wrong."

This will be a banner day for you!

"The scariest part is knowing that someday something'll come along that will make us go, 'Even the spider mutants weren't this bad.' "

The guy who wanted change, experience, a shoulder to cry on, and a medal, all tied up in a nice,neat package, with whipped cream and a cherry on top.

"People wipe their feet on me all day long. I mean, really, what could possibly be worse than that?"

"If at first you don't succeed blame somebody."