Pessimist Club Member Gifts

Things can only get worse...

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

'My pessimism keeps me optimistic.'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

Tom's last day.

"If, indeed, there is a reason for all this, than that's so much worse."

The End is Near art gallery opening.

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

Lent is a real drag this year. - 'Why? What did you give up?' - 'Hope.' - 'I gave up chocolate. Guess what?1' - 'What?' - 'I've made my ideal weight! Yay!'

'Barnhill from Marketing will present our economic projections.'

"A glimmer of hope is fine, Hendricks, but anything more than that will lead to massive disappointment."

Half Empty/Half Full/I'm Still On Vacation!!!

Whinge drinkers: 'Music is too loud as usual', 'You can never get a seat'.

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

'Turned out nice again.'

This will be a banner day for you!

Family Tree DNA Test

"If at first you don't succeed blame somebody."

'I'm afraid things have to get worse before they can get even worse.'

"Is this worse? Or is this worse?"

"This feels like the start of something that will eventually break one of our hearts."

"Oh, DO lighten up Roger...!"

"If I was you...I wouldn't be worried about the future..."

The split end is near.

'Do we have to go through this every year Henman says he can win Wimbledon?'

The pessimist and the paranoid

"Cheer up, mate, it might never...oh, God!"

'Sunnyside down.'

"You really don't need a good life, just a great obituary writer."

"Breakfast is my favorite meal because the day hasn't been ruined yet."

"Waiter! My glass is half empty."

The human condition