Pessimist Club Member Gifts

Things can only get worse...

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

'My pessimism keeps me optimistic.'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

Tom's last day.

"If, indeed, there is a reason for all this, than that's so much worse."

The End is Near art gallery opening.

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

'Barnhill from Marketing will present our economic projections.'

"A glimmer of hope is fine, Hendricks, but anything more than that will lead to massive disappointment."

Lent is a real drag this year. - 'Why? What did you give up?' - 'Hope.' - 'I gave up chocolate. Guess what?1' - 'What?' - 'I've made my ideal weight! Yay!'

Half Empty/Half Full/I'm Still On Vacation!!!

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

Whinge drinkers: 'Music is too loud as usual', 'You can never get a seat'.

'Turned out nice again.'

Family Tree DNA Test

This will be a banner day for you!

"If at first you don't succeed blame somebody."

'I'm afraid things have to get worse before they can get even worse.'

"Is this worse? Or is this worse?"

"Oh, DO lighten up Roger...!"

"If I was you...I wouldn't be worried about the future..."

"This feels like the start of something that will eventually break one of our hearts."

The split end is near.

'Do we have to go through this every year Henman says he can win Wimbledon?'

The pessimist and the paranoid

'Sunnyside down.'

"You really don't need a good life, just a great obituary writer."

"Breakfast is my favorite meal because the day hasn't been ruined yet."

"Waiter! My glass is half empty."

The human condition

"Next time you hire a futurist, don't hire a good one."