Pessimism Appreciator Gifts

'I can't wait to get this holiday of a lifetime over so I can get back to my banal existence.'

Your radio show this week was incredible. Buzz off. Who cares what you think? It was angry, vitriolic, sarcastic, mean-spirited, pessimistic. Do you mean that? You really were listening? I'm not giving a compliment. You're less horrifyingly objectionable than usual.

Another year, another dollar

"All this cloudiness is really bringing me down."

'Have you ever had one of those dreadful days when everything seems to go right?'

'We've turned down you loan application because we got together and we just don't think you like you'll last another week . . .'

Things are certain to get worse before they get better.

"I've got a feeling it's going to be one of those centuries."

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

'My pessimism keeps me optimistic.'

Arthur Schopenhauer

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

Untold Love Stories. The Shadow and Pollyanna. It's no use, Lamont, you know what evil lurks in the hearts of men and I believe there's good in everybody.

Pessimists v Optimists.

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"Today, in all aspects of life losses outnumbered gains."

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

"A pessimist thinks that we've already arrived."

'Well, Mom, he's a redhead...and I guess you could say he's a glass-half-full sort of guy.'

"Half Empty. Half Empty. Half Empty-"

'There, Mr Optimist. Now how full is it?'

'I make certain all my clients are pessimists...they don't expect to win.'

Doom & Gloom

"If, indeed, there is a reason for all this, than that's so much worse."

Tom's last day.

"Look on the dark side."

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

The End is Near art gallery opening.

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

Car insurance, breakdown cover, mobile insurance, home insurance, camera insurance... - 'Life insurance, health insurance, professional indemnity, and tax insurance.' - 'Let the bad times roll... heh, heh!'

"Die alone"

'You say you're an eternal optimist. How unfortunate. We're looking for an internal optimist.'

"Maybe you should be depressed, your life isn't that great."

Lent is a real drag this year. - 'Why? What did you give up?' - 'Hope.' - 'I gave up chocolate. Guess what?1' - 'What?' - 'I've made my ideal weight! Yay!'