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"He'd make a wonderful main character for a short story, but I wouldn't put up with him for an entire novel."

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

"Call me?"

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

"We’ve nailed guitar-solo-face. Time to try playing instruments."

Schrodinger's Black Box

Sitting in a tree

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"I'm just saying. This would be even MORE romantic if we couldn't see in the dark."

Mantis Love

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

Valentine Day

"I'll be honest with you, I've been around the block a few times."

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

"An excellent defense. Let's give her the doctorate."

"First, we'll look for repressed memories of malpractice suits."

"I opened the last of the emergency wine."

"Sorry I'm late: my parents insisted I wear protection on our first date, so I stopped to buy a flea-collar..."

Love Birds love just being together

"Leon, do you think it's all psychological?"

"This could be the marriage all our other marriages were for!"

"You're wasting your time, I'll never understand which one is Liam Hemsworth and which one is Chris Hemsworth."

Today, proud and accomplished the career woman re-enters the dating world, ready at last to meet the man of her dreams. . .

'Gee, I just never get tired of this!'

Bartlett's Unfamiliar Quotations

Banana Smoothie

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

'Do you know how much it cost me to LEARN all this psychobabble?'

You just keep giving.

Tonight's Lecture: Eastern Mystical Approaches to Dream Interpretation. Yin-Yang Jung.

"Since my divorce I thought I'd never laugh again. Then I noticed your toupee."

With Aristotle, it's either true or false -- He hates it when you say "whatever."

"It looks like we've reached the end of reality..."

Auguste Comte

'I'm developing a foot fetish.'