Periodic Table Punster Pillows

The elements of surprise.

Table Of The Elephants

'No, 'suprise' isn't on the Periodic Table of Elements.'

'I pledge allegiance to the atom, and to the periodic table on which it stands, many particles indivisible, with orbitals and electrons for all.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"I've learned a lot in sixty-three years. But, unfortunately, almost all of it is about aluminum."

Gas station

A-Hem! I'm still singing here!

'Periodic table and avoirdupois weight of the Mendeleev family'

Math Jokes

Molecules You Ought To Be Aware of:

"Enough helium makes laughing gas."

...Isolated clumps of strange matter pop briefly out of the quantum foam to debate the possible existence of particle physicists.

Museum of Science. Periodic Table of Elements. Curie. Einstein. "Curium" is named after the Curies and "Einsteinium" is named after Albert Einstein --- Maybe they'll name an element after me one day! They can call it "delirium"!

Time and money on a seesaw are equals.

Two particles outside Hadron Collider; 'Fancy getting smashed this evening?'

"Of course, 'today seems to be dragging more than usual'. You came in on time, for once!"

'I should warn you - all our 'non-loaded' funds are alcohol free.'

Baby Grand Larceny

The Stand-up Petrophysicist...

Standup Chemist: 'So he comes back into the room, he turns around, he puts the chicken on the table and he says, 'all right, potassium chloride'.'

Don't be surprized, I'm combining Oxygen and Magnesium. OMg!

67 79 97. I thought they'd be more vigorous. I said they're "primes," not "in their prime." 30.

Bureau of statistics and probability

"I'm not surprised you're getting fat, Eve, it's all those apples you've been eating."

Flower: 'I wouldn't go in there if i were you Pal. The place is full of Skinheads.'

Adults only (for plants)

Math Dept. I can't move my hand to indicate "Hello" anymore. You mean your wave function has collapsed?

'Sorry I'm late for my interview. There was a leaf on my driveway.'

"No, I took my coffee break before coming in."

'The service is over, Ed. You have to wake them up.'

'You're fired Jenkins! You're just not getting in early enough!'

'He learnt it all from a book - 'Play Like Boris Becker'.'

"Congratulations! You're my first patient who has succeeded in projecting hs schizophrenia onto the couch!"