Periodic Table Prankster Pillows

I'm number one! I'm number one! 1 H Hydrogen. 26 Fe. 8 0. Hydrogen is number one, but it's a lightweight. My little buddy and I are a solid important element. We even have an age named after us - the "Iron Age"? But we need to watch out for H2O molecules. They give us a reddish-brown rash! Let's start calling them "Rusty"!

"Not to rain on your parade Smedly, but root beer cannot be added to the periodic table as a new, super heavy element..."

'I pledge allegiance to the atom, and to the periodic table on which it stands, many particles indivisible, with orbitals and electrons for all.'

Pinocchio's nose used by cat as a scratching post

Table Of The Elephants

Farmer chasing alien leaving crop circles.

'Time management seminar. Start: five-ish.'

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

A convenient attack of swine flu...

"I've learned a lot in sixty-three years. But, unfortunately, almost all of it is about aluminum."

"Now now, what have I told you about using your zombie knife at the dinner table..."

'Periodic table and avoirdupois weight of the Mendeleev family'

'It's come to my attention that you're becoming a bit of a clock watcher.'

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

Pants Uglifier!

Reason # 23 that doors don't make perfect seal against winter winds: Mischievous unemployed elves.

"Enough helium makes laughing gas."

"Yuck! Som'one left their nose in this book!"

'Nice of them to invite us to a dance.'

'That's not the reaction I'm expecting when I yell bloody-murder in the middle of the night!'

Museum of Science. Periodic Table of Elements. Curie. Einstein. "Curium" is named after the Curies and "Einsteinium" is named after Albert Einstein --- Maybe they'll name an element after me one day! They can call it "delirium"!

Anti-litter by-law in effect

"When no one's looking, I'm cramming this entire ball of pasta in my mouth."

Dog makes cats float with helium.

I must not poop on freshly washed cars!

'How many times have I told you not to play with matches?'

I shall not insult my stupid, fat, idiotic, ugly, lousy teacher...

Politics Books

"Check this out! My ew app imitates the sound of the door bell and makes the dog go berserk."

What's wrong with the TV? IT keeps changing to the cartoons! (son sitting behind mom with the remote control).

Don't be surprized, I'm combining Oxygen and Magnesium. OMg!

"I had a very trying day. I tried annoying my teacher, I tried annoying the principal..."

"Upcycled, re-purposed and resin dipped - that's how gran would have wanted to go."

'No, 'suprise' isn't on the Periodic Table of Elements.'

"No one whose name is pronounced that way lives here."