Perimenopause Gifts

'Let me get this straight- you went to a GUY-ne-cologist, to discuss MEN-o-pause?'

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

Niche Extracurriculars

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

Flash Cuisine

'No Dear, the Tooth Fairy is long gone. I'm the Hot-Flash Fairy.'

The post-menopause luncheon's unintentional comedy act.

Clair regretted having her husband sit in while her doctor described possible side effects of menopause.

'I know you don't want to admit you're old enough to be menopausal, but blaming your hot flashes on global warming...'

'Not to worry. Water retention is a common symptom of menopause.'

'You think irritable fowl syndrome is bad? Just wait until you hit menopause.'

Middle age anxiety about leaving the house.

"I just realized what our problem is - we're fungible."

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

'It's my biological clock.'

'Life was moving along at a nice, steady pace, then I hit middle age and my life hot-flashed before my eyes!'

Many women report sleep disturbances associated with the post-menopausal period.

'This isn't any comparison to my going through menopause!'

Flo's kids had a harder time adjusting to their mother's hot flashes than she did.

"We can go with the hormone-replacement therapy or skip straight to the husband replacement."

Internal Clock

Fables for the Middle-Aged: Goldilocks and the 3 Hairs.

"I'd better go -- I think my wife's menopause has arrived."

'Night sweats, what night sweats?'