Entering Menopause Gifts

'I know you don't want to admit you're old enough to be menopausal, but blaming your hot flashes on global warming...'

'You think irritable fowl syndrome is bad? Just wait until you hit menopause.'

Menopause

'Let me get this straight- you went to a GUY-ne-cologist, to discuss MEN-o-pause?'

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

Flash Cuisine

'No Dear, the Tooth Fairy is long gone. I'm the Hot-Flash Fairy.'

The post-menopause luncheon's unintentional comedy act.

Clair regretted having her husband sit in while her doctor described possible side effects of menopause.

'Not to worry. Water retention is a common symptom of menopause.'

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

Middle age anxiety about leaving the house.

'It's my biological clock.'

'Life was moving along at a nice, steady pace, then I hit middle age and my life hot-flashed before my eyes!'

Many women report sleep disturbances associated with the post-menopausal period.

"We can go with the hormone-replacement therapy or skip straight to the husband replacement."

Flo's kids had a harder time adjusting to their mother's hot flashes than she did.

'This isn't any comparison to my going through menopause!'

'I used to live for the moment, but now I'm comfortable waiting 3 to 5 business days.'

"I'd better go -- I think my wife's menopause has arrived."

Internal Clock

Fables for the Middle-Aged: Goldilocks and the 3 Hairs.

'Night sweats, what night sweats?'

'Listen Buddy! After the hot flushes I've been having this is like a resort!'

'There, there, Mrs Hornsby. Many women your age go through menopausal facial hair growth.'

"Nothing worse than a hot flash when you're retaining water."