Performing Music Gifts

A Musician's Wings

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

They hated me.

Showbiz Awards

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"When is my next parole hearing?"

Guitarist

A fairy with wand and crown in pink tutu

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"Extreme miming"

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

A Guide to Balloon Animals

"I had a fear of speaking in front of people, which is why I shadow puppet and sing the lessons."

"Well, that's the only song we know, so we can play it another two or three times, or we can cut our losses. Waddya say, Cleveland?"

Concert Pianist.

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"We're following Carrot Top."

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

Comedy Cafe

Anthropologists discover the earliest known depiction of Jazz Hands.

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka

"Smile when you say that, pardner."