Musical Performer Gifts

Geoffrey Rush

"No, this is the choir, NOT your backup group."

Policeman

Smokey Robinson caricature.

Twig! You've been showering for hours. Tryouts for the musical are today. I have to look fabulous! Think of the environment! I've got it covered! Oh really? Really. I'm not showering for three days! He's my carbon offset.

"I've been playing accordion ever since I could defend myself."

'I hate sales meetings on casual fridays.'

Pre-Minstrel Tension

Barber shop quartet

Pirate

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

They hated me.

Showbiz Awards

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

A fairy with wand and crown in pink tutu

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"We're following Carrot Top."

"Extreme miming"

"I had a fear of speaking in front of people, which is why I shadow puppet and sing the lessons."

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

Cow Show Tunes

George Michael

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

"I'm the only sane artist in the world."

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."

Clown waits for 'Happy Hour' to begin.