Performance Review Period Gifts

"My appraisal says disappointing..." "But with a smiley face!"

"Average sales figures, average customer satisfaction, average punctuality. Mediocrity is certainly one of your major strengths, Jenkins."

"On reflection I think I would've been happier with just 240 degree feedback."

'I've reviewed your performance, Henderson - and I think it's time we tossed you a bone.'

'Here's your report card... I mean, review.'

I like you, Rudyard. Unfortunately...

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

"Appraisals are nothing to be worried about...now let me introduce you to my colleague!"

Feedback.

'What would you say to a salary increase?'

"Pressing the escape key won't get you out of the boss' doghouse."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'Salaries Manager. No.'

'We like your zip-a-dee. You need to work on your dooh-dah.'

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

I'm not making enough money to like you.

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

"Good morning Rudy. I suppose you're wondering why I've summond you....It's time for your annual performance review...."

"Listen Herb, once you become the boss and decide who gets a raise, then you can have a raise."

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

"I can't sit down. Don't you remember? I worked my butt off for you."

Sales - "Any other suggestion besides getting a bigger chart?"

'Ask yourself, 'What is it I'm not doing?', and then ask yourself, 'What is it I'm doing too much?'.'

'It appears you've done a wonderful job...of not getting fired.'

Targets.

"I don't know whether your tired, anxious, nervous, or whatever. But it looks like a clear case of performance anxiety."

"A great quarter always puts the old man in a jocular mood."

Business Target

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."