Performance Review Gifts

"On reflection i think i could have coped with just 340' feedback."

'And this is the only performance indicator that's moving up. Unfortunately, it's my blood pressure.'

'Your entire performance review is based on what you do in the next thirty seconds...go!'

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

"You look far too relaxed. Around here you're expected to stress for success."

When giving feedback, there will always be something for you to comment upon.

'A touch less rigour on the feedback next time, Stephen.'

'We like your zip-a-dee. You need to work on your dooh-dah.'

Your supervisor says you've been giving 100%, but at the rate of 20% each day.

'Watch your step, Bob. It looks like the company's trying to cut payroll expenses again.'

'I must say, Simms, when you're hot you're HOT but when you're not you're NOT!'

"Try to be more like Mary. Mary's a real team player."

'Your sales figures drop off dramatically during the winter months.'

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

Your performance evaulations and sales figures are exceptional, but the company's a little bit concerned by your cholesterol numbers.

John's desire for constructive feedback was going ''well''.

Performance management: "We decided to get rid of the carrot and keep the stick."

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

"Make yourself comfortable so that we can discuss your raise."

"Good report. It almost blew me away."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Just identifying weak members of the herd."

No Layoffs Next 200 Miles

"What do you mean I never praise you? If I ignore you, take that as praise."

"You've lost the firm thousands, but it's not the end of hte world, just your career!"

"I have the profit sharing figures. You owe the company �2,367.25."

'Don't be so hard on yourself; that's my job.'

'Good work, sales up 30% on last month.' - 'You know very well I was on holiday.'

"It's just a suggestion, but in the future I'd wait until that black cloud over your head goes away before asking for a raise."

"He's not good with criticism."

"I can't sit down. Don't you remember? I worked my butt off for you."

'I see a brilliant future for you. Do you see it, too?'

"Your clock watching and staring into space skills are top notch!"

"Can we count on you to give our customers added value?"

Will you stop 'tutting' until I've finished my treasurer's report.