Performance Reviews Gifts

'I think he needs to work a little more on giving feedback.'

Performance Management: "Jump!"

What we gained on the swings we lost on the roundabouts.

"Just as I thought!...Trying to look busy by shredding plain paper!"

"I admit you're a team player, but you're still a bench warmer."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Just be yourself."

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'They all want to play the star.'

"I had a fear of speaking in front of people, which is why I shadow puppet and sing the lessons."

Snowprov

'We like your zip-a-dee. You need to work on your dooh-dah.'

"I'm the only sane artist in the world."

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

'He's maturing early.'

"I, TikTok."

Primitive magician

I'm not making enough money to like you.

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

Dog fetching clown shoes.

"Listen Herb, once you become the boss and decide who gets a raise, then you can have a raise."

Do you have to play air guitar every time we sing?

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

"I can't sit down. Don't you remember? I worked my butt off for you."

'Ask yourself, 'What is it I'm not doing?', and then ask yourself, 'What is it I'm doing too much?'.'

Sales - "Any other suggestion besides getting a bigger chart?"

Orchestra conductor

Hi, sweetie! How was the talent show? Did they enjoy your Clay Aiken tribute?

"I don't know whether your tired, anxious, nervous, or whatever. But it looks like a clear case of performance anxiety."

'It appears you've done a wonderful job...of not getting fired.'