Performance Gifts

'Your performance review is next Tuesday. You're allowed to bring a guitar and up to three backup singers.'

Your performance evaulations and sales figures are exceptional, but the company's a little bit concerned by your cholesterol numbers.

"This next song is for all the music teachers who said I'd never make it."

'Simms is causing some real morale problems with the sales staff.'

Are we still talking about ME?

'Uh-oh, here comes the mike again. Cut the barbershop quartet and go back to mournful whistling.'

'You said to come back once I got my act together.'

Woman rating a man's performance with scorecards.

Man's contortions hurt his back.

'And don't get any funny ideas.'

'This is a song my therapist told me to sing whenever I get the urge to harm people who won't pay attention to me.'

"OK, now I want everybody to put their hands together and make something with tools!"

Magician out of work - Nothing up my sleeve, please help.

Audience thinking 'What a tosser!'

'Damn! McGee's good!'

'And without further ado, ladies and gentlemen! Here he is...The one and only! 'ELLLVIS--- THE PELVIS!' '

'I like your style - How would you like to do some public service announcements?'

George Michael

Air Sitar.

'Freedom is nice, but I miss the Circus for the applause and the three square meals a day...'

I didn't dress this way to go unnoticed

"I'm the only sane artist in the world."

Flea Circus

Poor turnout, Please help.

Marcel Marceau's parrot

Pre-minstrel Tension.

"This is the part I hate most - he's got terrible bad breath!"

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

Encyclopedic Novel Slam.

'When I said you could get a part-time job, I didn't expect Elvis impersonator!'

'Lately I've been feeling the lure of the stage.'

Orchestra conductor

"In the absence of a piano....."

"With your voice and my marketing skills, we'll sell records by the million!"

Helium Guitar Festival