Performance Review Period Pillows

"My appraisal says disappointing..." "But with a smiley face!"

"Average sales figures, average customer satisfaction, average punctuality. Mediocrity is certainly one of your major strengths, Jenkins."

"On reflection I think I would've been happier with just 240 degree feedback."

'I've reviewed your performance, Henderson - and I think it's time we tossed you a bone.'

'Here's your report card... I mean, review.'

I like you, Rudyard. Unfortunately...

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

"Appraisals are nothing to be worried about...now let me introduce you to my colleague!"

Feedback.

'What would you say to a salary increase?'

"Pressing the escape key won't get you out of the boss' doghouse."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'Salaries Manager. No.'

'We like your zip-a-dee. You need to work on your dooh-dah.'

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

I'm not making enough money to like you.

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

"Listen Herb, once you become the boss and decide who gets a raise, then you can have a raise."

"Good morning Rudy. I suppose you're wondering why I've summond you....It's time for your annual performance review...."

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

"I can't sit down. Don't you remember? I worked my butt off for you."

'Ask yourself, 'What is it I'm not doing?', and then ask yourself, 'What is it I'm doing too much?'.'

Sales - "Any other suggestion besides getting a bigger chart?"

Targets.

"You need to stand up for yourself, or at least sit up straight."

Business Target

"I don't know whether your tired, anxious, nervous, or whatever. But it looks like a clear case of performance anxiety."

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

"No annual raises, but I will 'like' all your hard work on Facebook."

'It appears you've done a wonderful job...of not getting fired.'