Performance Review Joker Pillows

"You got 50% and 45% for accuracy!" "That's over 100%...Yes!"

'I've been carrying him for a long time.'

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

Get crazy once in a while

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

"How about we write a song combining Brexit with unrequited love?"

'Want to freak her out? Stare over her shoulder without blinking for 10 minutes.'

E=Emcee Squared

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

'I love it when you say - 'I'm going to print money'.'

See, Bill? They DID remember us this Valentine's Day!

'I've heard all about you. Jayne says you're quite the prankster.'

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

'Yup, cannon in D.'

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

"Yes, you do go the extra mile for this company. But you've been going in the wrong direction."

"What do you mean, you 'feel funny'?"

Adult Absence Notes.

Toilet humour

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."

'I wish you wouldn't bring work home with you!'

"My ex wife is a heart surgeon. . . she ripped my heart out!"

"Harold, it's good you listen to your body, but must I listen to it too?"

Here lies BoBo the Clown

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'

'Since when does Shamrocks give you an itchy rash?'

Ha! Musical fruit my patootie...

Mr. Bubbles was beginning to regret sending his son off to clown college. 'Is that what they teach you, up at that fancy school of yours?!'